Driving me NUTS!

The whole weekend was fun, but has been spiraling! I am pretty annoyed right now due to men!
So we went to a local bar on friday, I got pretty drunk. It was my ex's bday and I just wanted to not think about all the shit he would be doing. Mainly I know he was hooking up with girls and causing trouble and to not go crazy, I over drank.
  I was told that I ran around pulling on people. Taking people's hats, and just running around being loud and rude. I then proceeded to twist my ankle when we were leaving. My heel got stuck in the grassy patch that I was walking through and I fell. HAH!! So someone (don't recall who) picked me up and took me to their car. We then got pulled over by the cops and the driver of the vehicle was taken to jail. Thankfully he was released without bail 6 hours later.
 Saturday night , I couldn't drink because of my knee, so I sat there going crazy over my ex and what he may or may not be doing. And in all honesty why the fuck do I care? I mean we were together for like 3 weeks and he was an asshole. We got along well, but shit, he was such a bad influence and I am sure he cheated . He also drinks daily, chews, smokes, tried drugs, .... What the fuck was I thinking even talking to him??? Anyhow, today which is tuesday I am over it. I think I just needed the weekend. I am thinking I just need to stay single for a while, been let down by men too much this year.

I use to want the whole family thing, where i find a guy , get married, build a life, have 2.5 kids, get a dog, ... but now, I am thinking fuck that, I just want to be financially stable on my own. I also want to take care of my sister and brother. My parents are losers as parents. They aren't supportive. I think some people just shouldn't have kids.

Today I am going on a date. The guy seems nice, he is tall, has one kid, and seems like we get along pretty well. But I am still nervous. I am not getting my hopes up and I am going to just go with the flow. Regardless I would be more than happy to just be friends. I am so focused on making friends.

Also thinking of going back to school. I know I don't want to do the whole campus aspect again so I am looking at online options. It's frustrating!!! Some are accredited but don't have good reviews and some are just too expensive. Also there are different types of accreditation which mean different things. The top schools cost 60 K! for a masters! That's freakin ridiculous! The lesser accredited ones are 30 K. Half the price. Ughn so annoying. Wish things could just be straight forward.
Least to say I am pretty annoyed at men, school and the whole aspect of trying to find a job that I love!!!
It's seriously driving me nuts!

So going now to get ready for my date. Have no idea what to wear !
Song of the day--- > LAdy GAGA's ...Paper gangsta

Day 1-3

I thought a while before starting this blog. I originally wanted to write a book about my life. I will still do that but in the meanwhile, I think I also need a daily outlet of my thoughts and ideas, and I would like to share them with the world. 

I really have a lot of high hopes for my life. I am sure every person has this inner calling, saying "You have a purpose here, find it and fulfill it." Mine has always been strong, but lately it has been screaming at me. I have no idea what my reason for being on this earth is. But I have a feeling it's to help others and to learn to become a better person. Mainly to be happy and to help others be happy. 

I see a lot of unhappy people. Which is strange because most people "act" happy, but inside they are miserable or unaware of what their role is in life. I can't save anyone, but I can share my life experiences, hopes, dreams, ways of growth, ideas and personal ways I have gone from being lost to being in a state of joy. 

I intend to write what I see, feel and how I interpret what I am experiencing. I will be raw, to the point and analytical. I also have a fascination with trying to understand why people are the way they are, why the do the things they do and my observations of the daily life of myself and others. I will be using adult content, so readers be advised. 

Post 1-  09/08/10

My day started out at 7:30 am. Spent the night at my friends house. Her and I basically partied the weekend away. We went to a local bar/club on friday night. I made a complete ass of myself. I quit my job about a month ago. I was miserable there. No advancement and I hated the hours. I worked hard,  and got along well with everyone. I was with the company for 2 and 1/2 years, and those bastards wouldn't give me a raise or any kind of promotion. Waking up in the morning and hating the fact that I know I deserve more for my life, got to me after a while. So one day, I woke up , pissed and angry at the fact that I see less educated, less qualified people ahead of me. I know I have the potential for wealth in all aspects of my life. But why haven't I reached it yet? Something is holding me back. But this particular day that I woke up mad, I decided right there and then that I was going to quit that shitty job and risk being without income or health insurance in the pursuit of finding something that not only gives me freedom to LIVE, but also financial freedom. I am sick of being broke, upset and unfulfilled. Yep, so in this awful economy, I risked it all. 

Post 2- 09/10/10

I wasn't able to write yesterday. I had a huge scare! While I was at my friends house, I noticed some mosquito looking bumps on my feet. They were itchy! I got scared and looked up what it could be. After some research, I found out that it's bed bug bites!!! Gross!!!!!!! Least to say I am not spending the night at my friends house anymore. I was so upset all day , I couldn't hardly get anything done. I basically had anxiety all day and wasn't able to get the things I wanted to get done. 

 I am in the process of planning my sisters baby-shower, and was suppose to go check out a possible location but wasn't able to do it. 

Yep, my little sister is having a baby. She is due in December!! I can't believe it!! We found out it's a boy and I am super excited about that . Just weird that I always thought I would be the one having a baby first. 

 Myself, I am divorced, no kids, 30 now and single. I have been in a few relationships after my divorce, but have a hard time trusting. My ex-husband was an asshole to say the least! He lied all the time, even about stupid shit, like once he lied to me that he was at home when he was really at the grocery store. So stupid! He also was emotionally and physically abusive. I think I have done a pretty good job at blocking out a lot of what he did to me. I am strong, positive and have learned to have lots of fun. It did take a while though. A few years to be exact. I am so proud of myself that I wont settle for anything less than amazing from the next guy I am with. I know exactly what I want. Respect, love, loyalty, a big heart, and simply someone who will be my best friend to go through life together. 

 So, tonight a few of my friends and I are going to go back to that local club/bar. We like it because it's close to home. Taxi ride is cheap and we get home safe. I like going out now because it helps me escape for a few hours and we get to mingle with people. I usually get so smashed that I end up not remembering what I did after the first few hours of the night. NOT GOOD! But I have been told by people that I curse and try to start fights or that I am a dancing machine! HAHA! But yes, I have realized that I have to cut back and need to be more responsible when I drink. I drove drunk a few times, and I also fell last friday. I remember the fall but don't remember any pain or how I got up. I did text someone after and said " OMG , I just fell, come and get me". 

  Plus My sister lost a boyfriend from drunk driving a few years ago so I should know better. When you're in that drunken state, it's like nothing matters. Your sense of right and wrong really goes out the door! Stupid, I know! So tonight I am going to try to cut back and be more aware of my actions. I already told my friend to take away my keys and hide them at her house. 

 I have never been a huge partier. I use to go out once every few weeks. Like once every 4-6 weeks. But my last relationship (if I can even call it that ), the guy drank every day! And since I quit my job and had nada to do , I started to drink just to not worry so much, and spiralled from there. After dealing with some stupid shit from him, I broke it off and have cut back. Not that it's his fault, because I take 100% responsibility for my actions, but you really do become like those you hang out with. I'm not swayed easily, but I think due to not working, not knowing what else I should do with my life and being around someone who drinks and parties a lot gave an easy route to escape my fears of failure. 

Tonight should be interesting. A friend of mine is trying to hook up another friend of mine with one of his friends, so it should be entertaining. Plus I am excited to let loose after yesterday! Need it! 

I'll write all about it tomorrow or sunday!!!! 

Happy friday to all my readers! And oh yeah , I want to do a song of the day. 

 Todays song is --- > Katy Perry's "Firework". Love this song. And love dancing to it!